Wedding bells ring in
joy for all. Who doesn't like to attend weddings? I am no exception. But of
late I have been coming across a dampening phrase in every other invitation
card – “No gifts or bouquets, please” or “Blessings only”. I cannot say for
sure how it is with others but this statutory warning has landed me in a soup –
a different kind, each time! So I have come to dread this phrase so much so that
I feel pleased as punch to receive a normal, regular (read traditional) wedding
invitation.
The first thing is I
simply cannot understand the logic behind this request. Doesn't it go against
the culture of ‘gifts’? It is all very well to say “Your blessing is your
gift”. But I am just a lesser mortal in this materialistic world (come on, tell
me how many of you aren't) and don’t subscribe to lofty principles, but I can
vouch that there is as much joy in giving as in receiving! Let me be me and do
what I wish! You will understand when I elaborate …
The first time I came
across this ‘unreasonable’ request was in the late 80's – I think those friends
were much ahead of their times. I felt I had been stripped of my fundamental
right to go armed with a gift to a wedding reception! I couldn't take it lying
down. So I defiantly marched in with an extra large gift alright! To my
embarrassment, our good hosts turned down the gift very graciously, explaining
they hadn't accepted gifts even from relatives. You can imagine my stupid
expression as I walked down the dais after greeting the newlyweds - with our
gift still in my hand - (hubby doesn't chip in with help on such occasions –
‘gift’ is entirely my department, so I have to always grin and bear it!). More embarrassment
when I couldn't balance my plate and gift. So I had to find a calm resting
place for the latter so that I could focus on my dinner. The only consolation
was that I was not the only one – there were many in the same predicament!
Humph …. I will never forget that first experience.
Yes, but obviously I didn't learn my lesson! The next decade witnessed a boom in such requests.
Needless to say I sailed through varied experiences ….. The first time, I
repeated the same mistake as before but luckily wasn't penalized for it! In
fact it was accepted without the least hesitation (perhaps to save our
humiliation - so considerate, eh?). Encouraged, I continued to flaunt such a request
with impunity the next time only to be politely put in place! However bouquets
managed to get a better treatment. So the next time – yes, you guessed it – I
landed with flowers. But they had to be left at the entrance! I had failed to
read the invitation properly – it read – “No gifts / bouquets, please!” And
they stuck to it verbatim!
Oh I forgot to mention
another weird experience. It was my colleague’s son’s wedding – the entire staff
was in full attendance. The invite carried the statutory warning, “No gifts,
please” but some of us managed to thrust the gift envelope in the hands of the hapless
bridegroom who was our ex-student. You see he couldn't put up a strong
resistance against his respected teachers! We patted our own backs and boasted
about our victory to the colleagues who were not so fortunate! Wait, that was
not ‘The end’! Two days later, our colleague resumed duty. As we gathered
around him for small talk, he smilingly took out envelopes from his bag and
started reading out the names written on them and distributing! Yes, those were
our gift envelopes returning to us! So he had the last laugh; my hubby too!
You see hubby had been
in the disapproval mode all along, asking me to stick to the invite’s request. Finally
I had to give in – no choice, you see – a case of twice (in fact more) bitten,
thrice shy, so to say! So there we stood in the queue to greet the newlyweds –
barehanded for the first time! There were many others like us. But there were
so many others armed with gifts too. My eyes were riveted on the stage – no,
not admiring the bridal couple but scrutinizing whether the gifts exchanged
hands. Oh yes, they did! I looked at hubby. Needless to say he was coolly
oblivious to the entire show. Even if he wasn't, it didn't matter to him. Don’t
you agree men are made of different mettle? I was on pins and needles. I
noticed many in the queue pulling out an envelope from their purse with a
flourish as they neared the dais. I cursed myself – how couldn't I think of
that? I simply couldn't forgive myself. My guilt-pangs must have adorned my
face but I guess the newlyweds with eyes only for each other must have missed
it.
So what next? No prizes
for guessing – I started attending weddings with an envelope with a cash gift
in the purse – with the words “Best wishes from The Balasubramonians” inscribed
on it. If it was accepted, fine. If not, again fine! This was a classic case of
having the cake and eating it too. I patted my own back for resolving my
dilemma – though it was definitely not my discovery!
This worked well for a
while till we encountered a different experience. We had gone for a reception
with our friends. As we stood together in the greet-the-couple-queue, I pulled
out the gift envelope from my purse. Noticing that, my friend said that they
didn't bring any gift as requested in the invite. We greeted the couple with
the gift and hand-shake and our friends with a mere hand-shake. We felt bad
that they must have felt bad. I got an earful from hubby who felt I had embarrassed
our hosts as well as our friends.
So the next time, I played
the obedient wife as we attended a wedding reception minus the ubiquitous
envelope. Again the same scenes – gifts / envelopes / bouquets being accepted
as graciously as mere handshakes and greetings. I gave hubby a meaningful
glance. He whispered, “We are only honoring their request, so why feel guilty?”
Theoretically correct, but personally I couldn't agree. I am still struggling
to come to terms with the changing trend.
But my honest opinion is
the phrase goes against our culture. I don’t think anyone would grudge
presenting a gift! So why put a negative premium on that?! Is the aim to
revolutionize? Will someone enlighten me with a valid / convincing explanation
for this growing trend? I would like to state here that if people are taking
concrete steps against dowry, they deserve kudos. But I hope they are not
mixing up issues by saying ‘NO’ to gifts which can in no way be classified as
dowry! If they still want to persist in bringing about a change in society,
good luck to them! Till then will someone help me to get out of this
‘thrishanku’?! It is with dreadful apprehension that I open wedding invitation
cards these days!
No comments:
Post a Comment